Sunday, March 25, 2007
Adam’s previous post has inspired me to recall (much to my delight) some of my favorite South Park quotes. Thanks to Google, I was able to find the full quotes for those which I could only remember parts. So here they are for your entertainment:
1.) Kyle: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
2.) Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!
3.) Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!
4.) Bebe: You guys still want to go ice skating after school?
Wendy: Oh no, that's okay, Bebe. You might trip and then we'd be sucked into your huge, gaping vagina like ants into a vacuum cleaner.
5.) Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
6.) Mr. Garrison: A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.
7.) Mr. Garrison: Say 'hi' to Sexual Harassment Panda!
The Class: Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda.
Sexual Harassment Panda: Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda.
Kyle: This is freaking me out, dude.
Sexual Harassment Panda: And when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through each and every sexual harassment law.
The Class: Awwww
8.) Cop: I'm never going to frame another innocent man again! Unless I know he's black.
9.) Cartman: I got my period.
10.) Mrs. Cartman: Doctor, did you find out what's wrong with him?
Doctor: I'm afraid he's running out of time.
Mrs. Cartman: Why, what's wrong with him?
Doctor: It's his time. It's running out.
Mrs. Cartman: What can we do?
Doctor: Well, I suppose we can try a time transplant. I'll have to call a specialist.
11.) Mr. Hat: That's right, Mr. Garrison. Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Frederick Douglass and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France.
12.) Cartman: If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!
13.) Cartman: Oh no, people! Come on! We're so close to completing my final solution!
14.) Mrs. Garrison: Now I for one think that evolution is a bunch of bull crap. But I've been told I have to teach it anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this:In the beginning, we were all fish, okay, swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby. And the retard baby was different so it got to live. So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands, and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard-frog-squirrel and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there you go. You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations.
15.) Mrs. Garrison: That's right kids, and so you see, there is no god.
Mr. Dawkins: Careful darling, the school board doesn't like it when we -
Stan: (interrupts) Well there could still be a god.
Mrs. Garrison: What?
Stan: Couldn't evolution be the answer to how, and not the answer to why?
Mrs. Garrison: Uh-oh! Retard alert! Retard alert, class! (to Stan) Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster too, bubblehead?!
16.) Atheist Sea Otter: Know this time-child; I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!
1.) Kyle: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
2.) Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!
3.) Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!
4.) Bebe: You guys still want to go ice skating after school?
Wendy: Oh no, that's okay, Bebe. You might trip and then we'd be sucked into your huge, gaping vagina like ants into a vacuum cleaner.
5.) Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
6.) Mr. Garrison: A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.
7.) Mr. Garrison: Say 'hi' to Sexual Harassment Panda!
The Class: Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda.
Sexual Harassment Panda: Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda.
Kyle: This is freaking me out, dude.
Sexual Harassment Panda: And when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through each and every sexual harassment law.
The Class: Awwww
8.) Cop: I'm never going to frame another innocent man again! Unless I know he's black.
9.) Cartman: I got my period.
10.) Mrs. Cartman: Doctor, did you find out what's wrong with him?
Doctor: I'm afraid he's running out of time.
Mrs. Cartman: Why, what's wrong with him?
Doctor: It's his time. It's running out.
Mrs. Cartman: What can we do?
Doctor: Well, I suppose we can try a time transplant. I'll have to call a specialist.
11.) Mr. Hat: That's right, Mr. Garrison. Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Frederick Douglass and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France.
12.) Cartman: If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!
13.) Cartman: Oh no, people! Come on! We're so close to completing my final solution!
14.) Mrs. Garrison: Now I for one think that evolution is a bunch of bull crap. But I've been told I have to teach it anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this:In the beginning, we were all fish, okay, swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby. And the retard baby was different so it got to live. So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands, and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard-frog-squirrel and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there you go. You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations.
15.) Mrs. Garrison: That's right kids, and so you see, there is no god.
Mr. Dawkins: Careful darling, the school board doesn't like it when we -
Stan: (interrupts) Well there could still be a god.
Mrs. Garrison: What?
Stan: Couldn't evolution be the answer to how, and not the answer to why?
Mrs. Garrison: Uh-oh! Retard alert! Retard alert, class! (to Stan) Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster too, bubblehead?!
16.) Atheist Sea Otter: Know this time-child; I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!
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