Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Good morning everyone. This is a sad entry that I am writing about my feelings right now. There were two things tonight that made me cry and id like to talk about them. While going to see the movie “Alexander” there was a preview for the support of St.Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. There were several actors that were shown including Robins Williams and Sarah Jessica Parker, with children that were suffering from different kinds of cancer and sickle cell anemia and other fatal problems that I think that no child should have to go through. The whole time that I was watching it I just wanted to cry. I wanted to make millions of dollars go to the hospital and donate it. It just seems difficult for me to understand how such small, precious beings can go through so much. They are much stronger than I am, or ever will be. It’s something that I cant even fathom. One child couldn’t have been more than 3 years old, and after watching the movie I feel was more brave than any soldier that fought in those battles. I don’t know what could be more difficult than fighting something that, at that age, they cant understand. How does one explain the situation, or even worse, WHY.
Last night, somewhat ironically, I had a dream about this in which scott pretended to be a part of the “Make a Wish Foundation” so that he could met players from the Yankees and Jets. The whole time I was looking around and seeing at least 20 other children that were legitimately given the opportunity and I couldn’t stand it. I woke up in a sweat and with a horrible feeling inside. I hated it, and I wanted to hate my brother, even though it was just a dream. The more I think about it, the more I wish that I could take their place. I know it probably sounds corny, and stupid. But its almost like what a parent goes through whenever their child gets injured, they wish that they could take their place. I would willingly die so that no other child would have to go through something so torturous, and painful. I know that that’s not possible, but I would gladly do it if I could. I knew a child who actually goes to my church who is in remission from leukemia and has been for some time. But he, at one point, was a “Make a Wish” child and Doctors thought that he wouldn’t make it. I believe that he was 4 or 5 when he was diagnosed, and it kills me that some of his childhood was lost to fight this disease.
Both things that I am writing about tonight have some connection to me through people that I know/have known.
The Second thing was a movie in which a guy’s wife committed suicide. After searching around for some time, he was unable to find any pictures of her, so he went to his Mother-in-law for assistance. I, unfortunately didn’t pay complete attention to the movie because I was studying for my chemistry exam that starts in 8 hours from now. But to continue, He eventually had to break into his mother-in-law’s house to find pictures, and after finding a box full of them, he goes upstairs looking for the his mother-in-law, only to find her in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub, with a sealed letter with his name on it. It was a letter that was written by his wife before she killed herself, and the saddest thing to see was him fold up the paper and place it on his lap after he finished reading it, there was a portrayal of such loss, and grief that mere words cant describe. There was a match inside the envelope, which he then struck and burned the letter, and the fire spread to the box full of pictures, and his clothes. After removing his clothes he walks outside in his boxers and just keeps walking down the middle of a street before the movie ends with a fade out.
On May 29, 2001, three years ago, on my 15th birthday, Daniel Adler Jr. Shot himself in the head. He was a member of my church and when a friend of my family. I didn’t go to his funeral or to his wake out of anger. I was pissed off at him for doing such a thing. Although I was extremely upset with what he did, I tried to act very composed, and did so until one day while I was practicing lacrosse. It during my little brother’s cello lesson, in Spring Valley, in Perlman Plaza. There is a bi-level parking area, and since noone would park on the upper level I would play up against the wall up there. I started thinking about what he did and then I dropped to my knees and broke into tears. I cried ceaselessly for at least 10-15 minutes before beginning to gain my composure. I don’t remember exactly what it was that triggered such a reaction, but it was a built up emotion that finally came out.
I’m sorry for such a morbid entry, but I think that almost all of us take what we have for granted and rarely think about the consequences of our actions, mainly how they affect others. I think that we should all be grateful for what we have and appreciate the situations that we are in. Value life. That’s all.
Last night, somewhat ironically, I had a dream about this in which scott pretended to be a part of the “Make a Wish Foundation” so that he could met players from the Yankees and Jets. The whole time I was looking around and seeing at least 20 other children that were legitimately given the opportunity and I couldn’t stand it. I woke up in a sweat and with a horrible feeling inside. I hated it, and I wanted to hate my brother, even though it was just a dream. The more I think about it, the more I wish that I could take their place. I know it probably sounds corny, and stupid. But its almost like what a parent goes through whenever their child gets injured, they wish that they could take their place. I would willingly die so that no other child would have to go through something so torturous, and painful. I know that that’s not possible, but I would gladly do it if I could. I knew a child who actually goes to my church who is in remission from leukemia and has been for some time. But he, at one point, was a “Make a Wish” child and Doctors thought that he wouldn’t make it. I believe that he was 4 or 5 when he was diagnosed, and it kills me that some of his childhood was lost to fight this disease.
Both things that I am writing about tonight have some connection to me through people that I know/have known.
The Second thing was a movie in which a guy’s wife committed suicide. After searching around for some time, he was unable to find any pictures of her, so he went to his Mother-in-law for assistance. I, unfortunately didn’t pay complete attention to the movie because I was studying for my chemistry exam that starts in 8 hours from now. But to continue, He eventually had to break into his mother-in-law’s house to find pictures, and after finding a box full of them, he goes upstairs looking for the his mother-in-law, only to find her in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub, with a sealed letter with his name on it. It was a letter that was written by his wife before she killed herself, and the saddest thing to see was him fold up the paper and place it on his lap after he finished reading it, there was a portrayal of such loss, and grief that mere words cant describe. There was a match inside the envelope, which he then struck and burned the letter, and the fire spread to the box full of pictures, and his clothes. After removing his clothes he walks outside in his boxers and just keeps walking down the middle of a street before the movie ends with a fade out.
On May 29, 2001, three years ago, on my 15th birthday, Daniel Adler Jr. Shot himself in the head. He was a member of my church and when a friend of my family. I didn’t go to his funeral or to his wake out of anger. I was pissed off at him for doing such a thing. Although I was extremely upset with what he did, I tried to act very composed, and did so until one day while I was practicing lacrosse. It during my little brother’s cello lesson, in Spring Valley, in Perlman Plaza. There is a bi-level parking area, and since noone would park on the upper level I would play up against the wall up there. I started thinking about what he did and then I dropped to my knees and broke into tears. I cried ceaselessly for at least 10-15 minutes before beginning to gain my composure. I don’t remember exactly what it was that triggered such a reaction, but it was a built up emotion that finally came out.
I’m sorry for such a morbid entry, but I think that almost all of us take what we have for granted and rarely think about the consequences of our actions, mainly how they affect others. I think that we should all be grateful for what we have and appreciate the situations that we are in. Value life. That’s all.
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