Ask Madden

Vincent here (gasp!...two times in as many days!). So I'm sittin' at home in my underpants watching National Geographic's Ultimate Explorer, watching cheetahs get it on (cause that's what being home from collge is all about), and my sister just comes in and changes the fucking channel. What the fuck?! I mean, I know she got left back and she's "not right in the head" (according to my mother), but you don't fuckin' mess with the National Geographic. Needless to say, I put that ho in her place. Over dinner today, we were all talking shit about my sister behind her back and I was given permission to smack the fuck out of her the next time she talks back ("yeah, you hit her so that she can't call child protective services and have me arrested" says my mother). (Newsflash: "LIONS!" just came on National Geographic TV (for those of you less educated than I, that's MSNBC on Sunday evenings).
Now, I was reading about everyone's favorite child molester earlier (Michael Jackson...fools, all of you) and I couldn't help but think "what fucked up mother would send her son to Neverland ranch?" Then I watched the 60 Minutes Special with The Freak himself and I was confused. I mean, he's now a woman, so why not love little boys, my mother loves me. But then I thought about it, and I realized, if my mother looked like Michael Jackson, I'd probably have killed myself in preschool. Okay, well, until I have some interesting tidbits of information, I'm out.